They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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