And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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