Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the condom got lost in my hair
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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