he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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