I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
