i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize