Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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