How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
