You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
