if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
