i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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