the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
