i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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