those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
