it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
