Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We're too hungover to prance.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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