opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
