I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
