Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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