We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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