he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
do nipples grow back?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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