Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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