i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
