He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
