Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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