Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
