sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
