i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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