A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
