I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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