y did u give ur computer a hand job?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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