i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
