Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite