Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
