o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me