I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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