Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference