my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
