somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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