i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
