Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
