they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
