I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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