we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry about my life...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
