Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
