office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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