11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
