I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
