good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
