Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
