my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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