3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
