i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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