I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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