Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
