Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
