I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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