Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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