Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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