So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
