Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
