K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
