i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
