man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
