I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
