it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
