i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
