Who did Billy Mays play for?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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