Ambien. No doubt about it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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