Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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