i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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