I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
