Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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