i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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