He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
