meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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