where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
